Notes From My Journey

The past two weeks has been a whirlwind of appointments and waiting. The outcome summary is that I’m medically in a good place for a successful stem cell transplant. Dr Clover, my local oncologist, and Dr Hayes-Lattin, head of the Stem Cell Transplant team at OHSU, both tell me I’m in remission due to the past 10 months of treatment (and, in my opinion, due to a lot of prayer on my behalf!). So the actual transplant has less heavy lifting to do to cleanse my bone marrow and blood of the cancerous cells.

Jean and I were in Portland earlier this week for lab work and to sign consent papers for the transplant. We came home to Bend Monday evening to prepare ourselves and the house for our absence for a few weeks. We leave Friday January 28 for OHSU, I get a COVID test on arrival Friday afternoon and if it’s negative, begin two days of chemo on Monday, January 31 and Tuesday, February 1. The actual Stem Cell Transplant will take place on Wednesday, February 2. That’s 02-02-2022. I’m not sure if there’s any significance in the date, but for us it’s a big step forward after a long time waiting!

Incidentally, days immediately prior to the transplant are “minus days” as in -2, -1. Transplant day is “day 0”. Subsequent days are “plus days” as in +1, +2, +3. Just thought you might like to know that.

The best-case scenario, time-wise, is that I’ll spend about two weeks (day -1 through day +14) in hospital at OHSU, then a few weeks in Gresham, at the home of our daughter Stephanie and her family, receiving any necessary outpatient treatment until my immune system is renewed enough for me to be released back into the wild. Then I’ll come home to Bend and begin my new life! We pray and hope that it will be a long season of full remission of the Multiple Myeloma cancer.

On January 20, I had my final appointment with my local oncologist, Dr Todd Clover prior to the transplant. After conversation and questions, as I prepared to leave the consult room, we shook hands and he said, “I’ll see you on the other side.” When he said it, it sounded right to me! When I got home, I had a new message in My Chart from Dr Clover. I have an appointment with him on April 7. That’s “on the other side.”

This Stem Cell Transplant has been kind of a long process for us. We first discussed it in May of 2021, then began moving ahead with the stem cell harvest in September for a transplant at the first of October. Then that was postponed due to all the ICU beds occupied by COVID patients. Now we’ve had the process moving again for a couple of weeks and it’s been a fresh opportunity to think about and acknowledge both the reward and the risks of the transplant treatment.

We feel so blessed to have the opportunity for the transplant, but there remain so many uncertainties between here and transplant day, even though it is only a week away. I just had a text message from the nurse coordinator that we’ll need to be in Portland earlier than expected for some last-minute lab work. Anyhow, suffice it to say that it still seems like we’re shooting at a moving target!

Psalm 23 has been both challenging and comforting for me as we’ve negotiated the twists and turns of the trail we’re on.  1 The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. 3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. 4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. 6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23:1-6 NLT)

Dr Clover said, “I’ll see you on the other side” and made an appointment for me in April (on the other side).

Psalm 23:4 says “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”  There’s definitely some dark places between here and where we’re going (the other side – where faith tells us there’s a season of living in full remission from the cancer) but the Lord, my shepherd, knows the way through those dark places and is not merely sending me through them, but will walk with me all the way through to the other side!

Tomorrow evening I’ll say goodbye to Colin, Melissa, Jude, and Zane when we have dinner at their house. I’ll say, “See you on the other side!” I’ll say goodbye to Jake the Desert Bone Dog. I’ll say, “See you on the other side, Jake!” Then when I check into the hospital, I’ll say goodbye to Philip, Stephanie, and Jesse. I’ll say, “See you on the other side!” Then Jean will accompany me to the hospital and will be the one person who can visit me during the time I’m in the hospital (COVID restrictions). She’ll be with me through the whole process.

So anyhow friends, I’m not sure how predictable my blog posts will be for the next few weeks, but please continue your prayers and we’ll keep you posted! I’ll see you on the other side!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

 

Hey Friends, I’m starting a new phase of my cancer treatment this week as I prepare to go to OHSU in Portland in a couple of weeks for the long-awaited Stem Cell Transplant. The postponement due to OHSU’s ICU beds being occupied by COVID patients has taken about four months. Without the postponement I’d have completed the transplant and recovery period and would have been back in Bend sleeping in my own bed just before Thanksgiving.

The current schedule plan is for me to go to OHSU on January 24, sign the consent documents, and then begin the actual pre-transplant Chemo infusions on January 31 and February 1. Then the morning of February 2 (02-02-22 does that signify anything special or spiritual?), I’ll receive the transplant of my own Stem Cells which we harvested from my own body back in late September.

I can expect to be in ICU for about two weeks as my bone marrow begins to regenerate and as the amazing Stem Cells begin to reproduce and become the kinds of cells I need to rebuild my immune system, without the mutated cancer cells that have been trying to take over (the Chemo will take them out and I’ll get a fresh start with the 7.8 million Stem Cells that are waiting for me in the freezer at OHSU).

Then as my system begins to stabilize (this is all criteria driven – I must be able to eat and keep food down and must have measurable progress on cell regeneration), I’ll be released to stay at my daughter Stephanie and her family’s home in Gresham (I have to be within 20 miles of OHSU until further criteria are met and to receive any necessary support treatment.)  This could take as much as another four weeks, but we’re hoping for a much shorter period. Realistically we’re looking at five to six weeks from Transplant day to returning home to Bend.

During that time, I don’t know how much energy I’ll have or how well my brain will be working, so my weekly blog post may miss a week or two. GraceNotes daily devotionals will continue to go out daily by email and be daily posted to our ResourceMinistries.org web site.

This week and next, I’ll be having tests and scans and a variety of processes to determine if I’m strong enough and well enough to handle the challenges of the transplant. I’ll have another bone marrow biopsy (not my favorite), EKG, Echo cardiogram, pulmonary function test, PET scan, along with my regular cancer treatment regimen. Thankfully, I can do most of these tests here in Bend before going to Portland.

So please keep praying for us as we go forward into a season in which it seems like we’ll have a little less control of things than we normally imagine we have! During this time, I’m going to try to share with you things I’m thinking and praying about and processing. So hang in there with me!

Here’s my thought for this week:

Today I asked God for opportunities to talk with people who know a little more than I do about things that are important to me.

Wouldn’t it be great to have honest discussions about important things with people who are open to learn from each other?

You know, so often, what passes for discussion is opinionated people taking potshots at each other from behind the concrete walls of their minds – what passes for honest discussion is people tossing word grenades at each other from the concrete bunkers of their minds.

If we viciously attack others over differences of opinion we’re wrong even if we’re right! When we engage in honest, respectful dialog on matters of difference we’re right even if we’re wrong!

I’m a Life-Long Learner. I’m curious. I want to know stuff I don’t already know. I want to have to change my mind about things because I’ve discovered I was wrong!

I know not everyone is like that or is ever going to be like that, but let’s make the effort to respect those whose opinions are different from ours, and to learn from people who know stuff we don’t know.

Let’s make the effort!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

And don’t forget to pray for Jean and me as we travel through some uncharted territory the next few weeks!  Thanks!

Here we are friends, at the beginning of another year! Glad you could join me! This blog post is excerpted from a message by the same name that I gave at Mountain View Fellowship in Redmond, Oregon on Sunday, December 26, 2021…

New Year’s Resolutions: Good or bad? I wonder how many New Year’s Resolutions are about weight loss or getting in shape? After Thanksgiving and Christmas feasting and snacking, it often seems the most obvious and urgent thing we can do is get (back?) in shape! I don’t know why everyone is so anxious to get in shape! Round is a shape!

I joined a Health Club in January of last year. I found one that is especially for seniors, but it wasn’t working for me so I cancelled my membership after about four months. Apparently you have to go there!

How’s your experience with New Year’s Resolutions been in the past? Well, whatever your relationship with New Year’s Resolutions, this isn’t really about that. This goes deeper and I hope it reaches farther than New Year’s Resolutions do for me. It’s not that getting in a shape other than round doesn’t matter! Reality is that in comparison with the time and energy we spend on discovering and focusing on the things that REALLY MATTER, a lot of our time and energy gets spent on things that matter less. And a lot of the time it’s not Bad vs Good (that’s easy), it’s about Good vs Better, and Important vs Most Important.

“What Really Matters” isn’t the same all the time. And What Really Matters isn’t the same for everybody (all the time). We’d like to make it simple, make a list, plug our lives into the What Really Matters list, and live happily ever after. You see, we’re not intended to live the Christian life on cruise-control. The Christian life is about following Jesus, about learning, growing and changing. And that includes taking time to decide What Really Matters!

Let me give you an example: 1978. We lived in Tri-Cities, WA and were part of the leadership team of a Jesus People Church. I had been traveling teaching seminars for nearly 50% of the time that year. Our daughters were 7 and 12. We were presented with an opportunity to go to the south pacific and start a training center. It was a six weeks commitment. Another six weeks away from the girls. We had a perfect setup for my parents to stay in our home and look after them. But we cancelled. It mattered, but right then our relationship with our girls mattered more. It was a hard decision. It looked like a door was closing, probably for good. But it was the right decision. Then in the 80’s and 90’s when the time was right, we started training centers in Jamaica, the UK, and three nations in Africa.

What Really Matters changes with the seasons and circumstances of our lives. It’s different for different people. And it requires diligent thought, prayer, and often some really difficult decisions. Because you can’t do everything. You can’t have it all. And the thing you choose to do creates some things you don’t get to do!

In January of 2009, I decided to begin writing a daily devotional based on my current through the Bible in a Year reading plan. I made a list of people I knew who might like the devotional and offered it to them free by daily email. We’ve just finished 2021! That’s been 13 years and GraceNotes has been sent every day of those 13 years. Why? I guess because it’s one of those things That Really Matters to me.

Different seasons, Different situations, Different Importances!

The important thing is that you address What Really Matters in each season of life. It’s not a one-size-fits-all approach for each of us. What Really Matters changes with the seasons and situations of life. What really matters is different for different people relative to specific interests, talents and abilities, and passions.

The key is more a matter of being awake and aware and seeking God’s “What Really Matters?” as we move forward in life.

• • This requires thought and prayer and focus.
  • This requires developing Kingdom of God values.
  • This requires a willingness to learn and grow and change.
  • This requires being a disciple, a follower of Jesus.

What Really Matters to me now? Not the same as when Jean and I were in Richland, WA in our early 30’s, running our business, with two daughters in school. Not the same as when we lived in Medford in our early 40’s with two daughters in school, starting a church. Not the same when we lived in Jamaica, with one daughter in school, one daughter in the US, starting a Bible Training Centre. Not the same as when we moved from Jamaica to England and started Bible Training Centres in London, then in Ghana, in Uganda, in Malawi… Not even the same as when we moved back to the US and got involved in local church ministry here in Central Oregon. What Really Matters to me, age 78, with cancer? I’ll let you know, friends. It’s a moving target!

What Really Matters to you, in your life, right now? Age and stage, situation and circumstance… What Really Matters to families with kids in school? What Really Matters to people who have recently retired and need to know what to do next?

I did an informal survey of some people in different ages and stages of life and it was interesting what I found. I found some expected and very significant differences in their “What Really Matters” lists, but I also found some things that seem not to change much with age and stage.

• • Braces for the kids, figuring out the school dilemma, needing a bigger house.
  • Medicare supplement, health issues, downsizing, are we going to get to travel like we’d hoped and planned?
  • Some degree of financial security.
  • Opportunities to serve, to help others, to make a difference.
  • In common: Relationships, family and friends, purpose.

Picture this with me:  Life is a journey. We are here, at the end of 2021, at the beginning of 2022…

• • We’re standing at the top of a hill
  • We’re standing at the turn of the year
  • We’re looking back, looking forward, looking around…

Looking back at the past year: Does it seem mostly good or bad?

• • What stands out? Disappointments or accomplishments, good times, successes?
  • Look for lessons to be learned. Let go the disappointments and mistakes.
  • Be thankful that God has brought you this far.

Looking forward to the coming new year: Good or bad?

• • Anxiety or hopefulness?
  • Look forward with gratitude and thanksgiving.
  • Remember God’s faithfulness in the past.
  • Look forward in hope.

Making important decisions and acting in the present.

• • Think about Your present “What Really Matters.”
  • Make a decision to focus your eyes on and to apply your time and energy to what really matters right now.

Take some time this week, before you jump back into the pace of things, to think and pray through What Really Matters as an individual or as a family in one’s present season and situation of life.

Ask: What Really Matters? Ask yourself, ask God, ask your family members, ask your friends. Here’s what I’d like you to do: Ask What Really Matters at least five times every day this week.

Here are some “What Really Matters” questions to stimulate your thinking:

• • What does my budget and calendar say about What Really Matters to me right now?. Are there things that use significant amounts of my resources and time that I know are not “What Really Matters” kinds of things? What can I do about that?
  • How can I start a conversation with my partner or family about “What Really Matters?”
  • What have I been wanting to bring to the top of my “What Really Matters?” list, but I just keep putting it off? What can I do to make that happen now?
  • Who among my friends and associates seems to really have a handle on their “What Really Matters?” Could I make arrangements to talk with them about how they do it?

Prayer:

Father, How did we ever get to this place? How did we make it through all we’ve been through? It’s by your grace and mercy! How are we going to make it through everything we’re facing, make it through all the unknowns of the days and weeks and months of an unknown 2022? It’s by your grace and mercy.

We pray for wisdom as we face decisions and choices large and small. We pray for a continuing awareness of your presence with us and your guiding and protecting hand on us for the new, unknown year that’s just before us. May we stand in your presence a year from now, filled with gratitude for all you’ve done for us and filled with hope for the next trip around the sun!

And may we live this year with the sense of purpose that comes with seeking and doing What Really Matters with the time, energy, and resources you’ve trusted into our hands. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

When I started writing a weekly blog post in January 2021, I had no idea that I would be diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma cancer three months into the year. I simply wanted to stay better in touch with friends and tell more of my story by writing and posting something once weekly.

I started out with some short blog series that were a little more “teaching” and then, partly because of your input and partly because it simply seemed as if it was the better way forward, I shifted a little more to stories as the year went on. Through the year I did some topical posts and series as well. I’d love for you to feel free to revisit the things I’ve written this past year. Feel free to share them. I think there’s some good stuff there friends! You can find it all here: https://www.jimastephens.com/

It was a big disappointment in September when we began making preparation for the Stem Cell Transplant to treat my cancer and then faced a postponement due to ICU beds at OHSU being unavailable due to COVID. We were able to complete the stem cell harvest right at the end of September, but then went on hold until the beds began to be available again and the backlog eased.

Today I began again the process of moving forward on the preparation for the transplant. All of the tests and evaluations that we did in September will need to be done again and my January calendar is already starting to fill with appointments. The first and possibly least enjoyable is another bone marrow biopsy (This’ll be my third one, so I should be getting used to them by now!). Then there will be a variety of scans, EKG’s, pulmonary tests, and weekly lab work and other tests as we move ahead. I’ll be able to do almost all these tests and evaluations here in Bend, so we can stay at home until the final week or so of January.

On January 23, we’ll travel to Portland to sign the consent forms and meet with the oncologist overseeing the transplant. I’ll check in at OHSU on January 31 and have the first day of outpatient chemotherapy. The following day, Tuesday, February 1, I’ll have the second day of chemo, then be admitted to hospital. Wednesday, February 2 is Transplant Day!

Following the transplant, I’ll expect to be in the hospital for about two weeks as my system stabilizes and my stem cells start becoming my new immune system! After release from OHSU, I’ll need to stay in the Portland area for a few more weeks for outpatient treatment and any necessary tweaks and adjustment. So by early springtime I’ll be back at home in Bend. While in Portland we’ll stay with our daughter Stephanie, her husband Philip, and our grandson Jesse in Gresham.

We would really appreciate your prayers that there will be no more delays or postponements to the process and that the transplant will be effective and give me as long as possible a period of remission from the cancer before we need to begin treating it again.

As we go through this process, there may be some time in February when I’ll not be able to write and post to my blog each week, but we’ll see how it goes!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13 One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch them and bless them, but the disciples told them not to bother him. 14 But when Jesus saw what was happening, he was very displeased with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 I assure you, anyone who doesn’t have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God.” 16 Then he took the children into his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them. (Mark 10:13-16 NLT)

When I was a little boy everyone called me Jimmy. That was fine when I was a little boy. But I thought Jimmy was a little kid’s name and when I reached my teens I decided it would be much more age-appropriate to be called Jim. That was also about the time I stopped calling my father “Daddy” and started calling him “Dad.”

My Dad’s sister Edna was the last surviving member of my father’s generation in the Stephens family. We had lost contact with Aunt Edna years ago after Uncle Clarence died, then we moved overseas for nearly two decades, and when we moved back to the USA, we didn’t know where she lived. Letters we sent to the old address we had were returned as undeliverable. Then one day we got a call from my cousin Georgia, Aunt Edna’s youngest daughter. She called us from Texas and told us that Edna had died. I hadn’t seen Georgia or her sisters since my early teens, more than half a century earlier (when I was still Jimmy!).

Georgia kept calling me “Jimmy” on the phone and at first I wanted to tell her that my name, my grownup name, is Jim. But I didn’t make a big deal of it. We talked again several times in the next few days, about Aunt Edna’s later years, about the funeral arrangements, about Georgia’s life and about her older sister Carol, who, we discovered, still lived in Oregon. Actually, it was kind of nice to be Jimmy again.

This morning, after I read the verses above from Mark 10:13-16, I felt as if Father God said to me, “Do you mind if I call you Jimmy?” And my heart replied, “That’d be great!  Can I call you Daddy?” He said, “Sure.”

Here are a couple of things that occurred to me as I thought this through:

• • The “Jim” I am now has a lot more on his mind than the “Jimmy” I used to be.
  • Being in too much of a hurry to graduate from “Jimmy” to “Jim” could cause me to miss the good parts of my life’s “Jimmy” season.
  • I’m thinking it would be good to have at least one relationship where I’ll always simply be “Jimmy”!
  • In fact, I think that might be the whole point Jesus was making when he said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

 

This is something completely different. I just want to tell you the story of what happened and the outcome so far. I don’t intend to get preachy here!

A few days ago, maybe even about the time you were reading my blog post from last week, my Subaru Outback and a Honda Accord tried to both occupy the same space at the same time! If you know anything much about physics, you know that won’t work and so the attempt changed the shape of each of the vehicles a little.

I was driving south and the driver of the Honda was entering the street I was driving on from a driveway on my right, to cross my lane and turn left (north) on the street I was on. The other driver’s view and my view were blocked by a large truck-mounted camper and as the other driver cleared the camper and entered my lane, we both saw each other at the same moment – sort of a “deer-in-the-headlights moment”! I braked and she accelerated (the very best thing for each of us to do in that situation) and the left front of my car hit the left rear door of her car. The impact spun her car across the other lane and she stopped near the curb facing in the appropriate direction of travel. I stopped at the point of impact.

The laws of physics were still in effect, so about a third of the front of my car was torn off and sent skittering over to the curb. The actual impact was slight. Seat belts were worn by all participants. Air bags were available but did not deploy. No one was even slightly injured. Both cars were still drivable, but my Subie was not as pretty anymore! Altogether through, not a bad outcome!

After all the necessary reporting to police, Oregon DMV, and insurance companies, I took my car to an auto body shop and got a repair estimate that seemed reasonable to me. When I made an appointment to get the repairs done, I was given a date in February, almost three months away! Staffing shortages, supply chain problems, that sort of thing. As you may know, I’m preparing for a Stem Cell Transplant in Portland, 150 miles away, on the other side of the Cascades Pass, at the beginning of February, and I need to be able to make that drive in my all-wheel drive Subaru with snow tires and not some random rental car with original equipment tires on it!

My car was drivable, but not in rain or snowy conditions. Too much of the engine and electronics and various operating systems were exposed by the missing front trim. So, I hatched this idea of trying to fix my Subaru temporarily so I could make the drive over the pass and back in rain, snow, or whatever the current conditions might be when I need to go over to OHSU in Portland for tests and treatment. I figured:

• • There’s no point having a drivable car if I can’t drive it.
  • All the remaining front parts: grille, bumper, light assemblies, are going to be scrapped when the repair is done (eventually), because it’s all plastic and all the plastic has cracks and scratches in it.
  • It’s my car and I can do what I want with it!

So I looked at the damaged part of the front, identified some places I could drill holes in the car’s support structure and the broken trim pieces, and made a plan. Friday evening Jean and I went to a hardware store (Jake stayed in the car) and I bought 14 dollars worth of bolts, nuts, washers, threaded rod, and plumber’s tape, and Saturday after our walk in the desert, I set to work.

The plan was only a sketch in my brain at first and it gradually took shape as I worked. I drilled and measured and adjusted. I put the pieces on and off time after time, adjusting the threaded rod mountings a little each time. I cut strips of metal plumbers tape and drilled holes in the fender and bumper to bolt the broken parts to the still-attached parts. Then I quit for the night because I needed more hands to finish up. Sunday after church and lunch, Colin and Jude and Zane came out to the garage with me and we determined to finish it up.

Jude, age 14, actually did quite a lot of the crawling about on the garage floor to put bolts through holes and washers and nuts on bolts. He came up with a couple of really good ideas on getting the bolts through the plumbers tape, fastening the damaged inner fender in place and plugging in the rewired fog light. 12-year-old Zane helped where he could and asked roughly 143 curiosity-questions about cars, tools, and various things he spotted in the garage. Colin and I tried our best to stay out of the way while Jude fixed the car. Also, I made sure that the boys knew the difference between fixing the car (what we were doing) and repairing the car (what the body shop will eventually do).

Then Jean and Jake and I took the car for a test drive at highway speed to listen for unpleasant noises. None. So there you have it.

 

I’m still determined not to get preachy here, but here’s a few things that occurred to me in this process:

• • It’s a lot better if you can approach an incident like this accident without having to spend a lot of time and emotional energy assigning fault and blame.
  • It’s surprising what you can do when you set yourself to figure something out and just have a go at it. Maybe you need to just let the plan take shape as you go along.
  • It’s good to have help. Sometimes two hands aren’t enough, but three or more are just right.
  • If you’re trying to figure out how to do something, it’s good to get someone else’s ideas and input. They may see something you’re missing.
  • It’s really satisfying when it all comes together! My car is actually drivable for distance, at speed, in winter weather conditions. Two days ago it wasn’t.

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

As I was preparing to write this week’s blog post, I came across something I wrote several years ago, soon after we moved back to the US from London. This so spoke to me that I felt I should share it with you today. At the time I wrote this, we were living in the Central Oregon woods, about 30 miles south of Bend, Oregon. I hope this is as helpful and refreshing to you as I was to me when I read it this morning.

Here it is:

It started snowing again this morning about 7:30. It’s the 15^th of March and I have been hoping and praying that the snow would be over soon. Since we returned from Uganda two weeks ago, much of the snow has melted and the two miles of dirt road has gone through the stages of deep water, ice, and soupy mud. With the warm days and cold nights we’ve been having, it looked as if we were about finished with the daily road adventures. Now it’s snowing and we are in a white world – all the bare spots on the drive and the roof are covered again and it looks like we’re back to square one.

I took a few minutes during my quiet time this morning to read some of the entries in my daily Journal from January and February this year. I was so interested in what I read that I got some earlier journals from 1999 and 2000 off the shelf and read some of the entries in them as well. I’d like to tell you some of what I found and what I learned about myself in the process.

By the way, my daily journal is not filled exclusively with page after page of great spiritual revelations and insights. Hopefully there is some of that, but my journal tends to be a sort of combination daily diary, an account of what’s happening. Then I write about significant events of the preceding day, things I expect, dread, or hope for today, ups and downs of how I’m feeling, and what I’m thinking about or struggling to understand or decide. Then I write prayers in which I give over my concerns to my Father and ask him a lot of questions that he sometimes answers and sometimes doesn’t.

There are several things that really stood out to me from my time of rereading my journals this morning:

First, I was appalled at how bad my hand writing is and how difficult it is to decipher some of what I wrote. Do you think it’s too late for me to improve my penmanship?

Second, I was surprised at how much I had put in my journal about how I was feeling about issues and situations. It was good to realize that many of those situations about which I expressed serious concern have responded to prayer, have worked themselves out, and are no longer matters for concern. Some haven’t changed and remain prayer concerns today. Some haven’t changed but I have found grace to accept them as they are.

I was also surprised that I don’t remember the intensity with which I was “feeling” about many of those situations. It is obvious from my journal entries that many of these seemed at the time to be earth-shaking situations and that I was certain I would never forget them because of their seriousness or intensity. Yet in reading about them from this distance, they don’t seem very serious at all. In some cases I’ve forgotten all about them.

Another thing that really got my attention is that on some of the issues I had prayed about – crisis issues that I felt had to be resolved immediately for life to continue –  I find that months later, even a year later, they remain unanswered prayers and unresolved issues and life does go on in spite of that. Perhaps God is a better judge than I of what is major and what is minor and when action should be taken!

I also discovered that many prayers I had prayed / written to my Father in times of deep concern and uncertainty have been answered perfectly, but completely unpredictably! The answers that he has given are so much different and so much better than any scenario I could possibly have imagined. And my journal is evidence that I often attempted to sketch out for him how he should at least consider working these things out. I’m so glad he didn’t take my advice on every one of these matters!

There is an interesting recurring theme of asking him what comes next after our very busy and fruitful almost two decades of living and ministering outside the US in Jamaica and the UK and in travels to Africa and Central America. God graciously provided this mountain hideaway and place of rest and restoration for us. He directed us to a great church to attend for worship and God’s word. We had a great small group for fellowship and mutual encouragement. Our travel to minister in the UK and East Africa continued. Our relationships with people in our small group continued to grow. But what comes next, Lord?

In January 2000, only a few months after we left London and came to Central Oregon, during my daily Bible reading the Lord had quickened a scripture to me from Genesis 50:24 “God will surely come for you…He will bring you back to the land He vowed to give to the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” (Gen 50:24 NLT). I was fully confident that God had spoken that to us and that this was his personal promise to us. I was praying for the fulfillment of his promise. I was trying to imagine the possible ways he could bring it to pass. I was trying to figure out whether we needed to be actively seeking ways “back to the land..” or whether we should be passively waiting for Him to “…come for us.”

In mid-October 2000, just one day after our return from one of our most fruitful times of ministry in Uganda, and just one year and one day since coming to Bend from London, God “came for us!” Ken Johnson, pastor of Westside Church in Bend, where we had been so refreshed and renewed for nearly a year phoned and asked me to consider becoming part of the pastoral team at Westside and to lead and serve the pastors of Adult Discipleship, Pastoral Care, and Small Group ministry. What a perfect fit for us! Being part of a team serving in the local church and being able to continue the development, translation, and distribution of the Foundation for Christian Service course in Africa and the training and equipping of pastors and leaders in East Africa with the FFCS course for Lay Leadership Training. Have you ever noticed how we usually think God’s answer to prayer has to be “either – or” and he often shows us an answer that is “both this and that?”

Looking back at my journal and seeing how small and limited my ideas often are and how faithless and sort of “whiney” some of my prayers were, I am again amazed at his Amazing Grace!

The most redeeming thing I find in my prayers and questions to my Father over the past year is a continuing pattern of submission to his will. I can’t seem to get to the point yet of leaving everything in His hands from the outset. I still have to try to plan and reason and suggest possible solutions or outcomes. But as I read through the entries in my journal, I find that I consistently (eventually) submit it all to him; to his wisdom, to his care; to his timing; to his power and love.

If there is anything I can recommend to you from my reading today in past volumes of my daily journal it would be this:

• • Be consistent in your quiet time or daily devotional time.
  • Be honest in your daily communication with God – how you feel, what you’re struggling with, what you’re hoping for.
  • Keep a journal. Write your thoughts, concerns, prayers, hopes, and dreams. (Recording the daily temperature and snowfall is optional!)
  • Make sure that your journal is representative of you and not simply patterned after someone else’s journal.
  • Take a little time every few months to look back. Reread some of your journal entries.
    • Look for answered prayers.
    • Look for positive patterns to be reinforced.
    • Look for negative patterns to be worked on for change.
    • Look for the fingerprints of Grace where God’s hand has touched your life.

It’s still snowing. But this too will pass!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

 

Hey Everybody! It’s Thanksgiving week if you’re reading this in the USA, as many of my readers are. Thursday, November 25, 2021 is a national Thanksgiving Holiday in the USA. However, I’m afraid it’s recently almost been eclipsed by the next day, Black Friday, in which we are all encouraged to go shopping and celebrate our dissatisfaction with what we have and our greed for more! Anyhow, Happy Thanksgiving!

In May and June I wrote a series of Blog Posts on Gratitude and Thankfulness. (I’d be happy to send you the links to those posts. If you’d like them, just reply to this post and I’ll email them to you.) Today, I’m adding one more thought about Thankfulness to the already overflowing pot, but I don’t think this will waste your time. This is not another “should do” emphasis to make you feel guilty if you’re not overflowing with Gratitude today! Please don’t let my words add to your burden! What I’m writing about here is one thing that I’m learning about Thankfulness and I think it will be a good thing for us all to think about this week.

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV)

I’m learning that you can be thankful IN everything, without being thankful FOR everything!

Every one of us is somewhere on a spectrum that ranges from “It doesn’t get any better than this!” to “This really sucks and I just don’t think I can take it any more!”

In our family two of the “In Everythings” are Cancer and COVID: Cancer, first for Stephanie (Latest tests are looking good!) and then for me. Latest tests show my treatment is holding back the cancer’s growth and we now have a date (February 2, 2022) for a Stem Cell Transplant! Then COVID for the limitations, cancellations, frustrations, delays, losses, and for the separations and divisions it has brought among extended family, friends, and churches. But these are our “In Everythings” at present.

I know you’ve got your own set of “In Everythings” and you’re dealing with them the best you can!

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV)

Remember, it’s not “FOR” everything give thanks. It’s “IN” everything give thanks.

It’s not being false and hyper-spiritual and saying silly stuff. It’s looking for the good in the bad, the beautiful in the ugly. And then intentionally, and sometimes with great effort and determination, focusing on the good and the beautiful. And being thankful for the good in the midst of a situation that includes things that are not good.

When I look back over the years the most thankful things I remember have not always been the easiest things! The greatest challenges have resulted in the greatest progress in my maturity, attitude, and character! The greatest challenges have resulted in the greatest Gratitude to God! I love it when things go smoothly, but when I face challenges and God comes through, sometimes the Gratitude is almost overwhelming!

In the midst of a situation that includes pain, loss, uncertainty, and confusion we can choose to focus on the good: The kind words of others, the kind and caring actions of others, things that we still have, things that offer a glimpse of hope. We can focus on good readings on the lab work, rather than on the fact we have the disease. We can focus on the energy we have rather than on the energy we’ve lost.

It’s not “FOR” everything give thanks. It’s “IN” everything give thanks.

I’m learning. I don’t have all this stuff worked out so that there’s never a moment of angst or fear or loss. I’m learning. And I’m well aware that I haven’t faced all my “In Everythings” yet. There may come an “In Everything” that’s way beyond my pay grade. But I’m learning. I’m getting ready for the “In Everythings” that are still ahead by practicing my “Giving Thanks” in the ones that come along.

Practical stuff:

There is an element of “Well, it could be worse!” and some “Glass half full or glass half empty” thinking in all of this. But one thing I’ve learned about Thankfulness is that it has to be expressed in some way. When we look for the thankful things amongst the “In Everythings” of life, when we search for them, identify them, then we can call them out by saying “Thank you” to God, to other people, to our own anxious souls, something powerful and transformational happens.

This comes more naturally to some of us than to others, but I recommend you make a conscious decision to “In Everything Give Thanks”. Then start to do it…

• • Look for the thankful things.
  • Identify them when you find them. Name them. Call them out.
  • Express your Thankfulness. Say thanks. Thank God. Thank people.

Let your giving of thanks in your present situation prepare you for the giving of thanks “In Everything”. You and the people you love and influence will not regret it!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. (Philippians 4:6 NLT)

I worry. I have not made it a secret that I worry about things. I get anxious. I experience stress. I’m not boasting about it, but I’m learning to accept that it’s part of who I am and how my brain works. And more recently, during the past six months as I’ve been doing cancer treatment, I’ve discovered that one of the drugs I take to help combat my cancer causes emotional ups and downs that can result in anxiety, depression, and entire nights of anxious insomnia. It’s complicated!

I’ve written about worry and anxiety. I was going to include half a dozen links to articles and devotionals I’ve written about dealing with worry and anxiety. If you’d like to see them, send me a reply/request and I’ll forward them to you. I’ve told God-stories about how God has brought me peace of mind and heart. But worry and anxiety is still a reality I must deal with.

God has helped me a great deal through the years to learn to trust more and worry less, to have peace of mind and heart and not anxiety. I’m thankful! And I’m also thankful that I don’t get as discouraged and condemned when well-meaning people quote scripture to me that says, “Don’t worry, don’t be anxious!”

A Day in Miami in 1984

In the summer of 1984, Jean and I resigned as pastors of Grace Bible Fellowship in Medford, OR, and with our daughters Stephanie and Melissa, began the process of moving to Linstead, St Catherine, Jamaica to serve as missionary pastors of Bread of Life Church. The move involved getting rid of all our furniture, most of our personal possessions, and putting our house on the market. Then we borrowed a van, traveled to Springfield, MO, and began to travel in the Midwest and South to visit churches, build relationships, and raise financial support for our mission. It was a summer of adventures and of stretching our faith and our horizons.

The target date for actually making the move to Jamaica was October 1984, and there was a lot to do! We had to make all the applications for a work permit to allow us to stay in the country, we had to coordinate with the people we would be working with in Linstead, we had to prepare the curricula for the ministry training program we would be offering at Bread of Life Church (our plan was to be in Jamaica for 18 months to train leaders for the church and a small network of area churches and then come back to the US). And we had to try to figure out what we would do for Melissa’s schooling (She was starting 8^th grade). Stephanie’s plan was to stay with us in Jamaica for a few months and then return to Missouri to attend college.

As the summer wore on toward fall, the pace quickened and the pressure mounted! I traveled to Jamaica to work on the visas and work permit, Jean traveled from Springfield to Miami to purchase a used car to import to Jamaica as there were no cars available in Jamaica to purchase at that time. I returned to Miami to meet Jean and to drive together to Springfield in our newly purchased 1981 Ford Escort Station Wagon. It was an interesting 1350 mile shakedown trip for the car!

We had been shipping suitcases and boxes to a couple we had met in Miami. They would keep the items for us until we were ready to go, would take us to the airport for the flight to Kingston, and would ship our car to us in Jamaica when we had acquired the necessary import license and documents. The four of us had just made the 1350 mile trip from Springfield to Miami. We were staying overnight at the home of the people who had stored our “luggage” and would take us to the airport the next day. By the way, doing this sort of stuff makes a lot more sense when you’re 41 as we were then rather than 78 as we are now! Just sayin’!

Anyhow, for the purpose of getting to the point, let’s shift to the day of departure from Miami for Kingston. Our hosts had left for work for the day. They wouldn’t be able to take us to the airport, but a friend of theirs would come by to get us and drive us the eight miles to the airport to check in for our flight. We were four people with a total of 22 pieces of “luggage.” Our luggage consisted of suitcases, boxes of books, household items that we knew would not be readily available in Linstead, and pretty much every sort of thing but the kitchen sink! Also, this was October 1984 and the internet didn’t exist and cell phones were still somewhere off in the future. So there was no email, no text messages, and no way for us to communicate with anyone. Can you remember when life was actually like that? I know, right?

So there we sat! In a strange house, in a strange city, waiting for some promised but to us unknown person who would come for us at the appointed time and whisk us and our twenty two pieces of luggage to the Miami airport to fly off to our new life in an even stranger land. Here’s what was going on in my brain, in no particular order:

• • What if our ride doesn’t show up?
  • What kind of vehicle can take the four of us, on a 94 degree hot Miami afternoon, on eight miles of Miami freeway, along with our 22 pieces of luggage, and get us to the airport on time?
  • If it’s a van, it could take us but not all our luggage.
  • If it’s a pickup, it could take our luggage but two people would have to ride in back. In the heat. On the freeway.
  • If it’s anything else, it’s not going to work anyhow!
  • What if our ride doesn’t show up? (oh yeah, I already did that one didn’t I?)

I was so anxious and stressed it seems like I can still feel it. It’s a good thing we were only 41 then. Any older and I’d probably have had a stroke or a heart attack!

And then our ride pulled up in the driveway! It was a full-size four-door, crew cab Ford pickup! I know, four door pickups are everywhere now. If I walk down to the mailbox at the end of the street, I’ll pass four or five of them. But this was 1984 and crew cab pickups were rarer than unicorns! How does God do that stuff?

We loaded up our stuff, got in the truck, rode to the airport, and checked in at the curb for Air Jamaica to Kingston. Our 22 pieces of luggage (that’s 14 pieces of excess baggage) cost $200. And we got on our flight a couple of hours later, flew to Kingston, were picked up by our Jamaican friends in a caravan of vehicles, rode to Linstead, and lived happily ever after! How does God do that stuff?

Okay, what’s the lesson here? Don’t worry? Trust God? It’s gonna be alright?

Maybe. Maybe that’s the lesson in this story. But as I think back through the experience and the many experiences since that time when I was stressed and anxious and struggling, that’s not the lesson that comes to mind.

The lesson I learned that day, that I’m learning day by day, and anxious moment by anxious moment is in two parts. One part was brought to my attention in a message by Evan Earwicker at Westside Church this weekend. It’s in these words from John 6:6, “…Jesus already knew what he was going to do.”

The other part of the lesson for me in this experience is in these words from Hebrews 4:15-16: This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4:15-16 NLT)

It’s true, friends! Let’s not worry, let’s not be anxious, let’s not get stressed out by things we can’t control. I’m working on that and I’m sure you are, too. But in the meantime, in the real world, when we get overwhelmed by stuff…

1) Let’s remember that God already knows what he’s going to do.

2) Let’s remember that he understands our weaknesses, is gracious in his love and care for us, and he’s there to help us where and when we need it most!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.

I’ve just posted a current health update here. Jean and I had a very good discussion with my oncologist on Thursday and I’m happy to be able to share a really good update with you! Thanks for your care and prayer!

Last week I wrote about my brother Skip Stephens and some mild regret I have that we didn’t spend more time together. I’ve also written in other posts about family history questions that have come up, especially since Jean and I moved back to the US at the end of 1999. Many of these questions have been prompted by dozens of black and white photos, taken in the first half of the 20^th century, then stored away with no names on the back! There are so many questions we both wish we had asked our Dads and Moms when they were still with us!

During the eight years we lived in the UK, the phone company, British Telecom, developed a billing discount program and named it “Friends and Family.” The plan allowed us to choose ten numbers that we called frequently and receive a 10% discount on calls to those numbers. Within that list of ten phone numbers we could choose one number and designate it “Best Friend” and receive a 25% discount on calls to that number. (It should be noted that at the time all phone calls in the UK, local and long distance, were toll calls, charged by the minute.) It was interesting and revealing when we signed up for the “Friends and Family” program to actually make the list of most frequently called numbers. The list included pastors, people who assisted us with the Bible Training Centres, and friends. “Family” wasn’t on our list as all our family members lived in other countries! My “Best Friend” (most called) number was CompuServe, my dial up Internet Service Provider!

As Jean and I moved from country to country and place to place during the 80’s and 90’s, we found that we had fewer and fewer possessions and “family heirlooms.” We found that God always provided the things we needed in each place, but the emotional or sentimental attachment to those things grew less and less. The things we came to value most in terms of “attachment” were photographs of family and friends and the things that were given us as gifts by those people we love and serve.

Because the material things we value most are things that link us to the people we care about, I have realized that to live in a way that is consistent with my values, I need to invest more in my relationships with those people. Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  (Matthew 6:21 NIV)

Friends and Family…

My father died in 1988 while we were establishing the Bible Training Centre in Kingston, Jamaica. My mother died in 1992 while we were living in London, UK, establishing East London Bible Training Centre. My next younger brother, Skip, died in 1996 when we were still in the UK developing the Bible Training Centres and beginning to minister in Africa. In our immediate family, that leaves just me, the oldest, and my brother Bill, ten years younger than me.

It had been two and a half years since I had seen my father when he died. We lived in Jamaica and he and my mother were in Oregon. We didn’t know there was a health problem. He was working regularly as a carpenter, still strong at 69 years. We were planning a trip to the US only two months later and we would see him and my mother then, and suddenly he was gone! I received a phone call from my brother Skip and suddenly I was the oldest man in the family. By God’s grace and with the help of a good travel agent, I made it to the funeral. As I stood beside the casket looking at Dad’s body, him in heaven and me in Oregon, I began to think of things I would like to have talked with him about. There were things I never told him and questions I never asked him.

I have ever since regretted that I let him go without talking about things. The fact that I left things undone and unsaid has not ruined my life. But I regret this as something that I cannot change. I wish I had made the effort to see him more often. I wish I had spent more time with Dad while he was still alive. Just a slight shift in my priorities involving “ministry” and “relationships” could have made a big difference!

We traveled from Jamaica to the US a couple of months later and spent time with my mother and my two brothers. Then we made another trip to see Mom before we left for London in 1992. This visit was very timely because she died just five months after we moved to London. Once again, by God’s grace and with the help of a very creative travel agent I made it to her funeral. This time I was able to stand by the casket her body was in, her in heaven and me in Washington, without feeling such a sense of unfinished business. But even though we made the effort to see her, to talk about things, there is so much we didn’t ask and say. Now there is no one to ask about family history and the things I’d like to know as I get older.

Friends and Family… Investing in Relationships

• • Maintaining and keeping relationships alive requires investment. It may cost you time. It may cost you money. It may cost quite a lot of both if the people you need to develop relationship with are far away.
  • Cultivating and developing new relationships requires investment. This may involve schedule changes. It may involve stopping some things you are doing and learning to do some new things.
  • This is not primarily a personality issue. This is a values thing that involves caring about people and valuing relationships. Values determine actions.
  • How much do you invest in building relationships? If you’re too busy to invest in and work on relationships, then you’re too busy. You need to do something about this. (Friends, this is me, preaching to me!)

Friends and Family… Here are some ideas and suggestions to consider:

Our daughter Melissa and her family have established some practices to help them stay in touch with her husband Colin’s family in New Zealand. Every week they have a chat with Mum on Sunday nights. Each of the boys chats with her and then she prays for each of them and they pray for her. After the “chats”, it’s game time and they play online games for a while. They use tablets for the chats and games so they have both audio and video. They’ve been doing this for several years and it really does help keep the relationships fresh and growing. It’s such a good idea and effective practice! Stephanie’s husband Philip has been helping his Mom who lives in Georgia with the sale of her house, a recent move into a retirement home, and with managing her personal finances. Technology makes it possible, but intention and initiative makes it happen!

You can…

• •  Write, email, phone, visit, invite. Don’t wait for a reason or an occasion. Just do it!
  • Get birth dates and special anniversaries of friends and family members, put them in your calendar and phone, text, email, Facebook message, or even send a card at the appropriate time.
  • Make a list of questions that only they know the answers to and ask the questions before it’s too late to get the answers!

As fully as you are able, embrace the importance of developing deep relationships with Friends and Family.

• • Pray regularly for the people who are your “Friends and Family” group.
  • Be willing to pay the price in time and money to develop and maintain relationships with your “Friends and Family.”
  • Develop some practices, patterns, and connection traditions that work well for you and your Friends and Family.
  • Take the initiative. Don’t wait for “them” to take the first (or even the second) step. You make the effort to add value to the relationship.

Prayer:

Father, I don’t want to just keep harping on this, but I’m so aware of how important it is and how much better I could have done I’d realized that the opportunities to grow and strengthen these relationships won’t always be there. I pray for my friends and me to be stirred to take the initiative and to do what we can while we can. In Jesus’ Name!

As always, I’d love to hear from you and I welcome your comments and questions. If you’re reading on the blog, leave a comment below. If you’re reading from the email, click “Reply” and tell me what you’re thinking.